


I understand now

by Hollow_Void



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: After Season 8, Allura mentioned, Angst, Canon Allurance, Depressed Keith, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, crying Keith, hunk is a bro, hurt keith, it gets happy trust me, klance, lance is mourning, past allurance, sad keith, sad past for my keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 02:46:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18512311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hollow_Void/pseuds/Hollow_Void
Summary: “Hey mullet, what can I do for ya?” His voice, though upbeat, held a sense of pain that stung Keith.“I, urm, just wanted to tell you that you don't need to pretend that you are okay. I know, we know that you miss her.”Keith goes to comfort Lance about Allura's death. But Lance miss understands what he is trying to say and ends up having to comfort lance instead.





	I understand now

**Author's Note:**

> Yo whazzaap. got bored and wrote a fic. I love the whole sad Keith idea and enhancing his sad ass background  
> enjoy

Keith wondered the halls, looking for a certain Cuban boy. After Allura died, Lance had withdrew a lot from the rest of the team. He would still meet up with them but he wasn’t himself. It was as though her death had dimmed the light that was inside of him. It broke Keith’s heart to see the once happy boy become so down and distant. Luckily for Keith though, he knew where to find Lance.

 

He turned the corner to enter the greenhouse, now filled with hundreds of Juniberry flowers. Allura’s favourite. The once barren pots and corners of the greenhouse were now covered with pink petals and green leaves. The walls and frames of the glass were greeted with tools and vines, making the room seem as though it was straight out of a fairy tale. Sun rays hit the glass just right that it shimmered and shone beautifully on every surface, making the flowers glisten and the air glint.

 

This wasn’t what caught Keith’s attention though, it was the boy that was crouched over a large trough, planting more Juniberries into the soil. He had gloves on, covered in dirt, and his usual green jacket.

 

His blue one must have been dirty, Keith thought to himself.

 

The sleeves were rolled up to reveal beautiful caramel, sun kissed skin. His trainers and jeans were also covered in soil but Lance seemed unfazed. He just kept working. Every once in a while he would raise his arm to wipe his forehead before going back again to plant another flower.

 

“Lance?”

 

Said boy raised his head quickly to meet the eyes of Keith. He smiled sheepishly and got up from where he was knelt and walked over. His Altean marks glowed for a second before they went back to their usual dim blue.

 

“Hey mullet, what can I do for ya?” His voice, though upbeat, held a sense of pain that stung Keith.

 

“I, urm, just wanted to tell you that you don't need to pretend that you are okay. I know, we know that you miss her.”

 

Lance looked at Keith for a moment before giving a small sad smile as an answer. He moved closer to place a hand on the raven haired boy’s shoulder. “Listen, it’s fine, she would have wanted us to remember her. I can do that through the flowers. I’m fine. I don't need monitoring to make sure that I am acting right or not smiling.”

 

Keith raised a hand to place on top of Lance’s that was still rested on his shoulder. “I know, it’s just that there were times when I didn’t want her there any more or didn’t want her to be be the way she was.” Lance made a questioning sound and he continued, “But I didn’t want her dead! We didn’t really get along much an I really regret thinking negatively about her and I feel so sorry about that. So if I feel like that you must feel worse.”

 

“Wait, Hunk said that there was always something between you and her. You don’t need to hide your feelings for her from me. It’s okay.”

 

Keith recoiled from Lance and waved is hands around in denial.

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, no that’s not it. I didn't like her like that. We were barely friends at the end. Listen, I would never like someone like her. I’m-”

 

Before Keith could finish he felt a fist connect with his cheek. He fell back and stared up in fear at Lance, who was stood above him, looking down in anger. Lance had hit him.

 

Why?

 

Was it because he was gay? That’s what he was going to say.

 

“Don’t speak of her like that. What because you are so emo and alone you can’t feel anything for anyone! Did having no parents make you this rigid? Are you that incapable of feelings you feel it’s okay to talk about a girl like that?”

 

Lance was shaking in rage. His fists were clenched and his face was contorted into a sneer that sank below Keith’s skin.

 

Tears welled up in Keith’s eyes, as he looked into the eyes of someone he cared about so much stare back at him like so many foster families and bullies have done before. Disgust and anger. It made a whirlpool of feelings swirl around his stomach, they piled up into his throat and in the back of his eyes.

 

Pain, anger, fear.

 

He got up and stood tall, trying to hide his quivering hands or lip. His cheek burned and pulsed painfully. He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t. But he couldn’t stop them escaping his eyes.

 

“I was going to say that I wouldn’t like someone like her because I am gay. So I’m sorry if my sexual orientation or lack of feelings towards your girlfriend affects you so much.” He emphasised the ‘your’ to hide the tears that trailed down his face. “I’m sorry I came here to make sure you didn’t spiral into the same depressive episodes I do when I realise I was raised a parent-less, emotionally stunted screw up. I’ll take my leave now then oh mighty Lance.”

 

He exaggerated a bow before standing up again, letting the tears fall now. He knew his cheek must have looked bad because he saw the way that Lance flinched when his eyes met Keith’s face. With one last glance, he turns around to the door and wipes his tears away.

 

“Keith wait-” Lance tried to call to him but the crying boy was already out of the door.

 

Lance felt horrible. He didn’t mean to punch Keith or shout at him like he did. He didn’t wait to hear what Keith had to say, and now Keith thinks he hates him because he is gay. Maybe he was right. Allura’s death really did a number on him but he refused to face the pain. Sure he mourned for her but he didn't know how much it was effecting everyone else.

 

He dusted off his jeans and rolled down his sleeves. Hunk would know what to do.

 

With that, Lance darted out of the greenhouse and to the science lab, where he knew Hunk was working with Pidge to make a new robot companion. He skidded down the halls before coming to a halt outside the two automatic doors. With a whoosh, the doors opened and he stepped inside.

 

Hunk was at the long desk in the corner of the room. He was hunched over a pile of red and green wires coming out of a weird shaped metal object. The goggles over his eyes protected him from the stray sparks that came out of the broken and unconnected wires. He was humming to a song that played over the radio that was positioned on the end of the desk, away from the mess where he worked.

 

“Hunk! Buddy!” Lance announced his presence from across the room to make sure that he didn’t scare him too much.

 

Hunk jumped in his seat before pulling away from his work and lifting his goggles. “Hey Lance, what’s up? You never really visit here without reason.”

 

Lance flinched at Hunk’s words, he realised how much he had been drifting away. He hung his head low before getting closer to Hunk and hugging him fiercely.

 

“I’m sorry Hunk. I really am, Keith told me I was acting alright and I didn’t realise how much I was affecting everyone around me.”

 

“Wow, backtrack. Keith went to speak with you?” Hunk hugged back before pulling Lance away to look at his face.

 

“Yeah, he went to the greenhouse to ask me if I was okay.”

 

Hunk smiled softly before leading the pair over to the sofa that was in the centre of the room. “Keith has been so worried for you. Said something about knowing how it feels. He really cares for you. I just didn’t know he had the balls to talk to you. And none of us knew how to bring it up.”

 

Lance flung himself onto the pillows and cradled his face in his hands. “Yeah well, I messed up. Really bad.”

 

Hunk sat down next to Lance and placed a hand on his back. “Come on man, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

 

Lance laughed sarcastically. “He came to make sure I wasn’t going into a depressive episode, saying that he knows how the feel and he has them a lot. I then asked him about his feeling for Allura-”

 

“Even though he’s gay?”

 

Lance’s head bolted up and he stared at Hunk. “You knew!”

 

“Well, yeah. Everyone knows. He’s really self conscious about it though.”

 

Lance sighed before hiding his face again. “Damn, now I sound like a monster. He told me he would never like someone like her and I punched him. I shouted at him, bought up the fact he was parent-less most of his life and said he was incapable of feelings. He was going on to tell me he was gay and I punched him in the face. I made him cry Hunk. Keith!”

 

“Ohh my God Lance. That’s horrible.”

 

“He ran away crying...” Lance sniffled a bit, fully realising what he had done.

 

Hunk turned him to face him, looking into his eyes with such a serious expression. “You really fucked up Lance. I said he might like her but he only ever looked lovingly at her when you were next to- OMG...”

 

“What?”

 

“He was looking at you...”

***

Keith forgot how peaceful the desert was. Sitting there, on the roof of his shack, he realised how much he missed it. His home was really just a pile of old walls now due to the invasion of the Galra and the amount of sand damage. His belongings inside were buried and most of them ruined. He was able to salvage an old box filled with memories of his dad, which now sit next to him on the roof.

 

He held a small wooden carved statue of a fireman that his dad made for him. It was worn but perfect to him. He twisted it in his hand before placing it back into the box carefully. Next to the statue was an old fireman emblem, the one his dad wore. Near the bottom was a picture of Keith wearing an oversized fireman helmet, being held tightly by his dad. They were laughing. They were so happy.

 

He remembered that day very well. He came home from to school and told his dad that there was a boy in his class that he liked in that cute child way. His dad said that he was a brave kid and that it’s okay. Keith ran over to his dad’s fireman uniform and put on the helmet, exclaiming that he was double brave now. The helmet fell over his face as it toppled around on his head. His dad smiled and took the photo, framing it and telling Keith that he can like anyone. To never forget it.

 

The helmet was in the bottom of the box, gifted to him by the fireman at the funeral. A lot of people were there because of the locals loving the fire service and the close connections his dad had to the town. None of them knew anything about him though only of him.

 

So when the funeral director asked for the family to approach the front, everyone seemed shocked to only see a 5 year old boy walk up to the stand next to the grave. They gawked as that boy stared at the hole dug for his dad asking him to wake up. They watched as that boy was dragged away from his dad by child services, kicking and screaming. They heard that orphan pray to have his dad back, shouting how his dad was all he had left. They saw the tears that painted his face.

 

He looked at how they reacted when he shouted that he wanted to die too.

 

He heard the rumours. His mum left him his dad wasn’t there for him. Its not true. Well not most of it. Poor child left alone. It’s not like anyone did anything though. He was moved away from his dad’s shack to a group home. He was taken and thrown back so many times. He never fit in. He was told so. So many times. His so called new families throwing him to the ground and called a freak. Having kids in the playground call him homophobic names and mocking his lack of parents.

 

He couldn’t visit his dad much. No one wanted to take him. They wanted Keith to slowly forget his trauma and accept his new family. And now there is nothing he wants nothing more than for his dad to hold him and tell him he isn’t going anywhere. That he was going to stay and that he is safe. But that can’t happen.

 

He closed his eyes again and let the tears fall, accepting the dark feelings wash over him.

***

Lance was frantic. He had looked everywhere around the Garrison for Keith and he couldn’t find him. He needed to apologise and make sure that Keith didn’t do anything bad.

 

Pidge suggested the training room, which was empty when he got there. There was no sign that Keith had even been there.

 

Coran had suggested the common room where they hung out. That too was empty.

 

Turning the corner of a corridor he ran, literally, into Shiro. He steadied himself and looked up at him.

 

“Shiro! Have you seen Keith?”

 

Shiro frowned slightly, shaking his head and asking why. Lance took a deep breath before explaining what happened.

 

“Lance, Keith has really bad trust issues. A lot of the families he got placed with promised to look after him but gave him back not soon after.”

 

Lance looked on the verge of tears, so Shiro placed a hand on his shoulder to give comfort.

 

“He trusts you so much Lance. When I first met Keith he thought I was going to give up on him because he got into a fight. He was ready to be sent back to the home. It took me years to get him to trust me, it took you a couple of days.”

 

“It wasn’t that quick...”

 

“It was. He trusted you enough to tell you about the Blue lion. To let you in his home. He let you near me when I was unconscious-”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

“Keith gushes about you all the time. He trusts you with everything. You are his right hand man, his best friend. Hell, you are the love of his life.”

 

Lance looked down to his feet, shuffling them to one side to the next. “I know I am. I kinda always have.”

 

“Why didn’t you act on it?”

 

Lance fiddled with his hands before bringing his head up to look at Shiro in the eyes. “I didn’t want to believe at first. The rivalry clouded my vision. And then I got tunnel vision with Allura….” He trailed off.

 

“Keith just wanted to get close to you. I believe that he knew he wouldn’t get with you so he just wanted to be your friend.”

 

Lance fell forward, burying his head into Shiro’s chest for comfort. It was all too much. “He helped me when I was struggling with Allura. He told me that she likes the normal Earth me. The one of me… that knows everything that I have to offer.”

 

Shiro chuckled lightly and placed a hand on Lance’s head. “He wasn’t talking about her. He likes you for the funny normal you. Imaging how he must have felt when you took everything he said and went to Allura instead. He will hate me for telling you but he really does love you.”

 

“I never felt right with Allura. I felt like I had to always be more. It didn’t feel right to hold her hand or kiss her. Nothing felt right. But it’s like I was comparing every moment to the small moments and touches I had with Keith. When we were in the elevator stuck together. When you were gone and he needed support so I held his shoulder. When he held my hand back when we got back to earth. Hell when he held me and carried me to the healing pods all those years ago.”

 

Shiro grabbed Lance by the shoulders and pushed him back. He wore a shocked face as he stared back at Lance. “Oh my God you remember the bonding moment.”

 

“Yeah I do.”

 

Shiro stared at Lance with a serious expression, similar to how Hunk looked earlier.

 

“Lance, do you like Keith?”

 

Lance paused for a second, before looking at Shiro with such determination. “I think I do.”

 

“Then tell him.”

 

With that, Lance ran out of the Garrison and hopped onto one of the speeders to go to Keith's shack. The sun was setting, making the sky seem like a canvas. As he neared the shack, he stopped in his tracks.

 

Keith was sitting on the roof of his ruined shack. With every gust of wind his hair danced liked waves. One of his legs were pulled up while the other dangle off the edge. His arms were wrapped around the knee and he was looking out across the horizon.

 

Lance just stops.

 

He was beautiful. His silhouette against the sunset could rival his love for the beach. The small halo around him could rival any angel.

 

He sped up and hopped off once he got near enough. His feet kicked up sand as he ran to the side of the shack. Quickly, he clambered the side and stood behind the boy. Keith hadn’t turned around yet, not noticing his presence either. Without a second thought, he ran forward and threw his arms around Keith’s shoulders. He felt Keith jump in his arms.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Lance repeated this over and over into Keith’s hair and holds him closer.

 

Keith still hadn’t looked up and made a confused sound so Lance let him go and sat next to him instead. Keith turned his head away so Lance grabbed his chin lightly and turned it back so they could look at each other. There were dry tear tracks going down his face and his cheek was red from where Lance hit him.

 

“Hey man. What’s the matter?”

 

Keith looked at Lance expressionless. “Other than you punching me?”

 

“Sorry. I really am. But that can’t be the only reason. I’ve seen you thrown half way across a room and you didn’t even bat an eyelid.”

 

Keith took a deep breath before beginning. “My dad’s house is ruined. My mum is back in space with Kolivan in the blades so I cant exactly see her. I have nothing to do. I live to fight. I have always had to fight. It’s what I’m good for. And now the fight is gone. I only have this box left. And just, you.”

 

Lance looked at Keith, noticing his eyes glistening ever so slightly. “Me?”

 

“Yes you. Everything about you. Your smile, your laugh and jokes and love for others. Your heart and just, everything. I love everything about you. And I’m scared, of losing you of loving you. I’m scared of caring for you because people leave.”

 

“I won’t leave.”

 

“Don’t lie to make me feel better.”

 

“No seriously,” Lance grasped onto Keith’s shoulders. “I understand now. When I would see you I felt something but I thought it was our rivalry. But it isn’t. It’s something else. Like every time we touch I get this feeling-”

 

“Don’t even start singing.”

 

“Okay noted but yes I was mad at you because I lost someone and you said something bad and you don’t know what that feels like-”

 

Keith pulled away, staring at Lance with shock and pain.

 

“Really? I don’t? Lance. My dad is dead. I lost him when I was 5. You don’t know how that feels like. I became an orphan and was given away like an object. I know loss in every way. I lost my dad. I lost a friend. I lost my mum when I was a baby, then I was raised to believe that she abandoned me. I lost the one way I felt like I am needed and I lost the person I loved to someone else. Hell I’ve lost faith in myself enough times to have permanent showings of it. What other pain do I need to go through to understand how you felt when she died?”

 

Lance was shocked, wanting nothing more than to cry with Keith. But one word made him stop.

 

“Loved?”

 

“What does past tense hurt you? Cause it hurts me to say it. But I will for you. You don’t want me so I will learn to move on. No matter how much it hurts. Because I love you and I want you to be happy okay.” Tears streamed down his face again fast and painful. “And if I need to be out the picture for that to happen so be it.”

 

He buried his head back into his knees. Lance decided to move closer and rest a hand on Keith’s back. He could tell that Keith was debating to move or not.

 

“Keith. I don’t want it to be past tense. Because I want to love you too. Because I like you so much, I just needed my eyes open to see everything you have done for me and how you have been there for me even when you must have hurt so much inside. The bonding moment made me feel things I didn’t know so I tried to forget it. But you have never given up on me. And I have been a dick to you. You left for the blades so I could stay in Voltron. And what did I tell you to do in return, I told you that you should have stayed away. I’m so sorry for everything but if there is one thing I do know now is that I want to be with you.”

 

Keith looked back up at Lance. He had a tear trailing down his face.

 

“I’m not good enough for you. You had a princess before. I am no prince or princess-”

 

“No you are Keith and for me that’s more than enough.”

 

Keith looked up, his eyes large and longing. Lance pulls his hand up to wipe away a stray tear. He held Keith’s face and pulled it up slightly. He wore a serious expression, wanting Keith to remember and understand how much he means the words.

 

“I want you Keith, the determined, hybrid you. The Keith that was the red paladin and the black paladin. The Keith that has always been there for me. The Keith that knows exactly who he is and what he has to offer.”

 

Keith looked up and smiled, remembering the time he was able to tell lance how he felt without him knowing.

 

“You think that?”

 

“I know that.”

 

Lance placed a hand on the back of Keith’s neck and pulled him closer. With a glance to those indigo eyes then those taunting lips. He didn’t have to ask because soft lips were on his. They tasted like tears and sand and perfection. He wouldn’t trade it for the world. After a few minutes they pulled away and placed their foreheads together.

 

“We did it.”

 

“We are a good team.”


End file.
